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 Just callin' it it as we see it
...could it have been HOW you asked me...
...or could it have been WHAT you asked me...
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all i know is that YOU'RE ON FUCKIN' CRACK...

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Thursday, December 25, 2003
 The CraqMas Conspiracy And How I Am No Longer (Totally) Down
I am officially done with it now. Yes. Perhaps my 7 months of (mostly) unemployment finally hardened me, like a samurai sword and its 32,768 forge-welded layers. Yes... now I am dangerous, because like one mythical "Neo", once trapped in some sensory "matrix", I have seen beyond the "veil".

Lucifer is fallen...

I have no problem with the baby Jesus, or peepz who want to celebrate his arrival as the man-God. I have no problems with Jewish people who have elevated a so-non-high-holy celebration to counter the Christian strangle-hold on this time of year. I have no problem with black Americans who felt the need to counter-counter the Judeo-Christian festivities with the purely ethnic Kwanzaa celebration. My problem is how lame it is that all of it just feeds into the year end rush to consumerism, and wanton disregard for anything remotely like peace, love, joy, hope or even the spirit of giving.

I guess I should blame the Romans.

I was thinking about it, and I think that the early Christians could have been very much like the Jews and African Americans - every year, they'd see the Romans celebrating the day of the unconquered sun (solstice). How left out they must've felt - ' ... damn Romans. Drinking eggnog, kissing under the mistletoe, exchanging gifts... once we get in power (or any power, really... besides the power to be lion-lunch), we'll show them." And they did! When Christianity became the official state religion of the empire, out went D.N.S.I. (Dies Natalis Solis Inviticis), and in came 'Christmas'.

Yes, just like that...

So I was preparing to buy, wrap, ship and all that shit... and I had a cold that wasn't going away, and I developed a mild addiction to Armagnac Brandy... and I just said "Wait one diggety-damned minute..."

What the fuck am I doing? WHAT... THE... FUCK?

This is insane. I am trying to do all this shit just to prove to a few people that I really like them by getting them a little stuff before the 'magic' date of December 25th, but what I'm really doing is annoying myself by participating in the mindless herd activity, and giving myself agita by pushing myself to meet this spurious deadline.

I stopped dead in my tracks. No more. It was as if Christ said "peace, be still" (one of my favourite biblical Jesus moments).

As I downed some warm, buttery brantwijn, I had thoughts of the Iberian peninsula dancing in my head, and suddenly the answer came to me.

You see there are many traditions about the Christmas, and as a friend of mine who is a Melkite deacon once told me - "The Roman tradition is just one, albeit the most prevalent one, and it is actually the most morbid."

Aye... it is mate.

It was then that I remembered there was the "Feast of The Three Kings". Yes! This would save me. You see in some places like Spain, there is no gift giving on the 25th. Kinda makes more sense in terms of interpreting the story of the Christ-child doesn't it? Jesus was born one day, but that wasn't the day he received his gold, frankincense and myrrh, was it? I think not. And even better, this feast - also known as The Epiphany - does not take place till January 6th the following year!

Aha!

You feelin' what I am feelin'? YES! That's the smell of a C-O-N... SPIRACY! Yeah, see from a business point of view, Dec 25th is way better (fiscal year and all that jazz) than January 6th. I am thinking that Epiphany celebrators in most Western countries (God Bless Spain) were hush-hushed or beaten with stale loaves of bread to ensure that they would keep their little Three-Kings thing on the down-low while everybody else did the crazy-ants-gotta-get-shit-before-the-25th dance to the stores. Yeah... or somethin' like that.

So what have I decided? Well, I can't give up on giving for Christmas. I am no Grinch or Scrooge. But from this year onward, there will be a two-pronged approach:

Greetings (cards, e-cards, e-mails etc) will be sent to honor December 25th.
Gifts will be sent to honor January 6th.

Problem solved. I'm thinking that week between Christmas and New Years will do just nicely for me. Most of the shit is like 50% off, and the biggest crowds are people returning stuff on their lunch breaks and after work. Ha... easily avoidable. I'll get my Christmas on... but on my own terms.

Damn skippy...

And so after my lengthy diatribe, my official Christmas greetings to my blogmates Trav' and 'Tine (and anyone else who views these pages):

Have a Happy, STRESS-FREE Christmas, and all the best to you and yours for the New Year!

*Peace*

-marley

Posted by Marley @ 8:51:00 AM --

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