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...or could it have been WHAT you asked me... ...maybe it's WHEN you asked me... all i know is that YOU'RE ON FUCKIN' CRACK... |
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May 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 August 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 February 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 October 2006 September 2010 December 2011 |
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Thursday, February 26, 2004 |
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WERD! | |
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Introducing Microsoft Word 2002 CraCkhEAd eDItiON... Write letterz n shit, yo. | |
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Tuesday, February 24, 2004 |
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White man gets his groove on | |
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Anyone that can get an auditorium full of brothas to dance is dope. But when a cracka playin' a trombone swangs such a feat they be a GOD! | |
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Sunday, February 22, 2004 |
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Passive spammers suck | |
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I was looking for "Red, Red Wine" lyrics just a few moments ago when I came across this site. I don't know what's up with the web-spammer's affliction for lyrics pages in particular, but it is impressive to find the variety of bullshit these crackheads are capable of.
Anyhow, yeah, they're on crack... and so are you. :) ::spliff |
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Tuesday, February 10, 2004 |
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Models... | |
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...are most definitely on the pipe. I'm watching the Italian channel (Rai Uno) just now, and there's all these hellla skinny models doing their catwalk thing... and I'm thinking to myself that this must be like some special report on anorexia in the modeling industry or som'n cuz these girls be mad skinny; but the models keep a'comin until after like 5 minutes they switch to another topic on the channel. I was floored - these were some unhealthily skinny chics, and I couldn't believe that this was a regular fashion show... we're talking serious crack-ho lookin' chix.
Which reminded me of this Korean chic I was with in college - girl was mad skinny, and the morning after I was going to the bathroom and noticed in the mirror that I had a small, but hella black & blue bruise just above my unit... chic was so skinny that the little bone at the bottom of her spine (coccyx?) was totally poking me while we were having relations. haha.. it hurt like a mofo for days too. Anyhow, in the interest of avoiding a future g-g-groin in-ju-ry (if you get the "Cheer's" reference, then you rule, btw), from that point forth I refused to date a chic who thought that having a few pieces of lettuce was an appropriate meal for dinner - I think my fellow 'Kang hunters will agree with that particular philosophy. So to all you wafer-thin, boney-assed crack smoking models: there is such a thing as too skinny, I promise - you stopped being fine like 10 kilos ago, and you're fuqing up a lot of perfectly lovely chics by helping extend the philosophy that skinnier is always better. Put the crackpipe down, and go eat something... anything... before your skinny ass disappears - and no barfing allowed you big cheaters. :spliff |
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Thursday, February 05, 2004 |
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Another Crackhead is addicted... | |
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hello crackheads... time to add another addicted crackhead into the mix...I've invited Sisca to post about all the crazy shet she sees in Mormon country as well as the stuff she sees at work throughout the day... should be damn funny...
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Calming Crack | |
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Well... Looking back at my rant, I displayed all the incoherence and vehemence of a true crackhead. I became that which I abhor - some cracked out loon cum rebel with a purported cause.
Me Sorry. Now that I've calmed down, I can state with relative ease that my rant was really about the cult of personality, and how it permeates so much of our society. The whole twisted 'image is everything' paradigm became more than just the slogan for whatever camera Andre Agassi pithced back in the day - it has become what a large segment of society bases their value system on. From reality shows that catapult 'ordinary' people to celebrity status to the entertainment luminaries themselves, who have to engage in acts of outlandish one-upmanship in order to burn themsleves into the adulating masses' evanescent attention-spans. Please allow me to quote one Spike Lee: "What's gonna be next? It's getting crazy, and it's all down to money. Money and fame," said Lee, the director of "Malcolm X" and "Do the Right Thing." "Somehow the whole value system has been upended." [©AP via Yahoo!News] It's coming to a head people... it really is. And what happened at the SuperBowl was like another solar flare before the real storm comes. At some point, this tear in the fabric of society's collective reality is gonna just rip right down the middle... like the curtain in the temple on the day Christ died - rent in twain, my bruthas and sistas... rent in twain. Amen. [Portions of this sermon may not be re-broadcast, re-published or re-transmitted without explicit consent of the UrOnCrack crew] |
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Tuesday, February 03, 2004 |
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Stale Crack - The SuperBowl Half Time Debacle | |
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Here at UrOnCrack, we like to think we provide only the freshest, highest quality, most crack-a-licious crack around.This post might be an exception, sadly.
See, I gotta talk about something so trite and stoopid because - and this is the kicker - it is indicative (on a fundamental level) of the degree to which people we assume are normal, people we assume are 'so much more in control of their shit than we are', people whom we are encouraged to admire and adore - yes these people - these very mutherfuckers... THEY ARE ON CRACK! In no partcular order: MTv (and by extension, 99% of the 'so-called' music industry) You fuckers are the lamest crackheads around. You have pumped radio and tv full of such shitty music (MissyE, Outkast exemption applies) that you can't even find 5 quality artists to do a half-time show... so what do u do? You bring out the cheesiest of cheesey. Janet Jackson? Lip-syncing songs from 2 years ago... fuckin pathetic. P-Diddy? Ditto. Nelly? For fucks sake, he's had his 20 minutes of fame. If Nelly is still rapping in 2006, I'm eating liver for a week. Kid Rock... did he break with the lip-sync norm? I think not. Then finally, the booby-patch-ripper, JT, doing a little something I don't even know - coz I can't be down with the musical equivalent of generic ramen noodles. What a load of shite it all really was. I take back what I said. It's not that MTv couldn't find 5 quality artists - it simply that nobody else with half a brain would even want to do that shit. It was a telling statement about the state of music in these United States- and the state of the music is not good. The NFL Gawd,you fucking hypocrites. The mutha-fuckin' NFL which has scantily clad women with inordinately large breasts roaming the sidelines of EACH and EVERY fucking game - yes, this NFL - they want us to believe that they are so outraged by Ms. Jackson's nasty nipple pasty. Right... totally. Yes, family values have suffered because of 2 seconds of mammarian exposure - but never because of those ho's with pom-poms that no doubt receive a good couple hours worth of coverage during the course of a season. Oh no... they're a family friendly product. Jack-asses. Paul Taglibue should just give in to his clandestine desire to have bondage sessions with Janet Jackson. THE FCC Why do I get the feeling that the head of the FCC would rather spend his time polishing dildos? Why? Because he's obviously not interested in repealing, modernizing, or updating the fucking antiquated laws regarding on-air vs. cable television that have fostered this sort of retarded reaction. Here again is a classic example of America's Puritan-Whore schizophrenia. Few years ago, Li'l Kim pulled that same stunt on MTv. I am cock-sure that most of America saw that shit, and there was no ground-swell of outrage. But no... this is 'on-air' TV... it's different. You see, it's reaching little Johnny in Topeka, and little Suzie in Sheboinken... and they don't have cable... and they have never seen a (partially) nude breast on TV. It is our duty to protect them from this, or the entire moral fabric of this great nation will start to become undone... thread by precious thread. *Hurl* I almost made myself throw up writing that... make the decency laws unilateral for fuck's sake. Who on earth is still using on-air TV anyway? Hmmm... I suspect a lot of them voted for u-know-who last election. |
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